5 ESSENTIAL GROUND RULES FOR TINDER AND DATING ONLINE

5 ESSENTIAL GROUND RULES FOR TINDER AND DATING ONLINE

WORDS by Sylvia Lam

WORDS by Sylvia Lam

Tinder isn’t all one night stands waiting to happen – suss out the creepers, reel in the gems, and find ways to make sure you don't attract the wrong crowd.

Let’s face it – we’ve all been at the mercy of online dating and the cyber “romance”. Whether it’s those Zoosk banners on our phone screens or Tinder relentlessly dinging off, we’re all just trying to find love, right? (love or something warm to lie with for the night anyway)

But what do you even say in a 500-character limit bio? Which of your totally slayin’ selfies should you upload? It’s not as hard as you think to keep the “dtf or naw” guys off your radar. Let’s mine us some diamonds in the rough.

1. No bio? No thank you!

A good-looking candidate doesn’t hurt a bit, does it? But if just 5 swoonin’ photos of him and his good body, or her flawless make-up and selfies are all that’s on offer; you’ll want to be swiping left. The only message here is simply, “looks are all that this is about for me” meaning some strictly physical stuff if you should pursue it. Perfect, if that’s what you’re looking for – which is sometimes, just what the body needs and nothing to be embarrassed about, might I add.


2. No such thing as ‘there’s only one good photo of me’

One photo to a profile? Sirens are ringing. Loudly. This could be a perfectly legitimate user, but if there’s an opportunity to upload more than one photo, chances are – people are going to want to maximize their exposure, and their best captures, right? So why only have one for those in the market? Chances are, something’s a little fishy here – the risk could easily be that its a scam company (you know the ones where serious cash is lost to “online boyfriends” and “fiancés”). Feel free to suss them out further, there’s no harm in sending a message; but be sure to know how to make yourself un-contactable if it’s clear that a user is bad news.


3. Eyes on language

Respectful and polite language is always a good sign. Us women would be used to getting the all-too common “hey gorgeous” which some of us are okay with, but online there’s just no patience for some, and “hey beautiful” is replaced with “dtf?” Which I personally wouldn’t think would make me buckle at the knees. Look for courteous language and respectful compliments. Nothing hasty like asking when you’re able to meet up, or what you’re wearing. Most importantly – don’t be a fool for flattery! They say you’re a stunner? Umm of course you are? You knew that already! So see what else they can comment on before mentioning anything about your killer looks. “Did you know the sun is bright?...” Nice try, next!


4. Stay aloof

Don’t take anything going on too seriously. Trying not to get too attached too quickly, like most dating situations, is obvious but particularly important online. Chatting and messaging back and forth is only a third of the courting. Messaging isn’t a guarantee for a date, or for your affection – don’t forget that. Get to know whom you’re talking to and find out what their deal is, and if this guy or gal’s the kind of person you’d want to get to know better in-person. You’ve got to be prepared too, if they suddenly fail to message back or to stay in contact, or stay interested, don’t hold it against them. Especially on fickle places like Tinder, many are in it just for fun and just out of curiosity. As long as you stay aloof, you’ll be able to stay in control of your feelings and how quickly things get on between messages and Matches.


5. The holy grail has a name - and it’s Modesty

Now in reeling in those otherwise fictional sweet and down-to-earth people. It’s more than piquing the interest of these rare gems - it’s also deflecting a certain breed of those competing for your attention. It’s all in your bio, and your photo selection. My favourite philosophy is to keep it brief and accurate. Whether it’s an ultimate “you” quote, song lyric, or a slogan you feel sums up all your best qualities, it’s right. Photos should be ones you think make you feel confident, rather than photos that you think others will think are “hot” or “sexy”. That kind of thinking won’t find you many sweet gems, I’m afraid. Photos and selfies that show the “You” that you like best, is the real, right, and worthwhile way to go!

Fresh online dating profile sounding good?



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WORDS BY:  Sylvia Lam

Sylvia splits her time between studying for her Bachelor of Communications and being a hermit sipping tea in her PJ’s. Always ruthless, she describes her self as an ‘all-day breakfast’ and hopes to one day live and work abroad.

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