WORDS BY Tim McDonald

WORDS BY Tim McDonald

Sugar. We’re addicted. It’s horrible for us, and yet foodies and nutritionists are divided over whether or not cutting out sugar for good will do you any good.

So is giving up a piece of cake really a piece of cake? Here are the Pros and Cons of quitting sugar.

Pro vs. Con #1

PRO: Sugar is one of the worst things you can put into your body, so cutting it allows your body to cleanse itself of horrible toxins built up over a lifetime of Golden Gaytimes. Cutting out chips, lollies, chocolate and soft drink in favor of fresh fruit, nuts, seeds and plenty of kale has enormous benefits, and doesn’t sound too bad.

CON: That’s right, you actually have to cut out chips, lollies, chocolate and soft drink. Completely. And it doesn’t stop there – fruit juice, frozen meals, cereals, yoghurt, sauces, it’s in pretty much everything. If you’re unsure if something contains sugar, ask yourself the simple question – Is it delicious? If the answer is yes it’s got to go!

Pro vs. Con #2

PRO: Say ciao (as in goodbye) to sugar and you’ll be saying ciao (as in hello) to a great looking body! You’re teeth will stop falling out, your skin clears up and you’ll lose weight – both from not consuming fatty foods and the fact you’ll have to stop carrying round that barrel of Crunchies everywhere you go.

CON: Unfortunately you’ll notice two protruding lumps of hair above your eyes tilted inwards in a menacing fashion. Scientists call these ‘angry eyes’. You’ll get them every time you have to lie through your non-decaying teeth at horrible office parties - "Thanks for the piece of delicious sponge Barb, but I’m only allowed this handful of chia seeds. So I guess the real party is in my mouth!"

Pro vs. Con #3

PRO: Not only will you look great, but you’ll feel great as well! You’ll be less bloated, less stressed and you’ll have so much more energy to exercise and stay fit!

CON: All of this comes to a screeching hault around 3.30 when you crash. Without the daily sugar hit we’ve grown accustomed to it’ll be hard to pump yourself up come the afternoon. But it’s ok. Take a Time Out for a little Boost and you’ll prevent yourself from Violet Crumbling and you’ll soon be Cherry Ripe. AARRGHHH I NEED THESE CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!!

Pro vs. Con #4

PRO: Sugar has been linked to a number of severe health conditions, so by quitting you’ll miss out on obesity and tooth decay! Yay! You’ll also lower your risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer and, what I have suffered from - severe Caramello Koala Dependency Disorder: the only disease you aren’t able to raise money or awareness for by selling Caramello Koala’s door to door.

CON: Unfortunately you’ll also miss out on good things – sugar has been linked to a number of awesome things such as soft drinks, cakes, M&M’s, lollies, jams, peanut M&M’s, cereals, those cookies made with M&M’s, all the good chokkies in a box of Favorites, all the Moro’s in a box of Favorites and M&M’s.

Pro vs. Con #5

PRO: Quitting sugar means you’re no longer buying fun size mars bars, really fun family size bags of M&M’s and that vat of cookie dough, which means you’ll be saving plenty of actual dough. So by now you’re losing weight, feeling great and have plenty of energy and money – you must be the most popular person in the world!

CON: You’re not. Sure we all admire you for quitting sugar, but that makes us feel bad every time we order a muffin around you. So you’ll also save more money, because many of your friends will stop inviting you out. And any coins you do save you’ll be furiously trying to bite into in the hope they’re made of chocolate.

The question is, are all these health benefits really worth saying bye bye to bounty bars?

*Always consult your GP or a nutritionist before omitting all sugar from your diet. 

Image Source via: Wildfox Couture

WORDS BY:  Tim McDonald

Tim is a Melbourne based freelance writer, which means he watches a lot of Ellen and eats a lot of muffins. When he's not busy working, Tim dreams of travelling the world, learning guitar and going 'skydriving', which is where you're pushed out of a plane in a Toyota Corolla.